empty. nothing.

Roses

2012-02-14T19:56:00.003+08:00

Got some earlier.

Honestly, I really don't know what to do with them afterwards.

Even so, thank you. :)

Happy St. Valentine's Day Massacre.

text

2011-12-25T16:26:00.001+08:00

"i miss you.. more than you probably think."

i miss you too.

wow

2011-11-22T16:38:00.002+08:00

i was bored. ended up reading past posts.

observation:

i was truly depressed

i hated a lot of people

i hated a lot of other things

i was emotionally unstable

i was self-destructive

i was suicidal

haha. i think some of the statements above should be written in present tense.

my own thoughts bringing the past to the present.

i haven't forgiven

i haven't forgotten

i don't think i could

i don't think i want to.

thinking about one small thing

destroys me all over again.

memories triggered

accidentally

by a scene

by a person

by a scent

by a phrase

by a touch

sends me back where

sends me back when

sends me a crashing wave of everything

unwanted

unexpected

uncontrolled

unimagined.

my own thoughts

consuming

suffocating

drowning

killing me.

my own memories

transforming the past

into the present

once again.

masochist

2011-11-22T16:33:00.001+08:00

purposefully torturing myself with dklscmsdguih89ocvklnsbaiojfmvncq90w[fruvjnsdkm 89nj

aahh. what the hell.

i'll be better tomorrow.

present

2011-11-11T20:17:00.001+08:00

tense

cared

felt

missed

regressed

fell

currently

2011-11-08T19:35:00.002+08:00

missing someone. a friend. hm. mag-church kaya ako every friday sa victory para makita siya.. :))

infatuated with someone. curious. interested. observe observe observe... stalk? hahaha. no.

trying to be happy-go-lucky. HAHAHAHAHAHA. hindi mo kaya yun! hindi ka naman kasi ganun. i'll still try though.

what happens then?

what must i do?

forgetting.

change

2011-10-22T19:49:00.003+08:00

i want to.

nerves.

fire.

breathe.

peace.

calm.

i started something. i know it's bad and wrong but i still did it. why? some form of rebellion? i don't know. haha. its weird. this one time, my hands were shaking. it's not cold and i'm not hyped from caffeine (i had 1 cup of coffee.. about 8 hours before). i'm not nervous, there's no reason to be.. so, i just... did it. hahahahaha. and i felt fine afterwards. completely fine.

this is wrong. :(

but i'm already planning and shit.. jgsdklcvmeroiguaskjcmeoignaklsgvegv

tsk.

favorite

2011-10-02T18:42:00.007+08:00

HYDRANGEAS

symbolizes..
positive: heartfelt emotions, gratitude (thank-you-for-understanding)
negative: heartlessness, frigidity, coldness

how perfect. :)

WTF?!

2011-09-18T12:26:00.001+08:00

stupid, shallow, immature.
and fucking annoying.
the fuck's your problem?!

Adele

2011-09-14T19:08:00.007+08:00

is sad and emotional..
..brilliant and extremely relatable

2011-09-12T19:13:00.000+08:00

maybe i've been going back too much lately..

dreams

2011-09-09T07:59:00.002+08:00

"subconscious is motivated by emotion, right? not reason."

heartbreaking dream. haha.

saw a very good friend yesterday. glad he convinced me to stop and talk for a while. :)
found a new very good friend in an unexpected person. cool. smart. emo. fun. smart. haha.

so sick

2011-07-26T19:52:00.001+08:00

literally. at ang daming kaylangan gawin!!! :(

LSS

2011-07-18T22:24:00.002+08:00

my heart heart heart is so jetlagged!

you say good morning, when its midnight..

lyrics, very repetitive.. pero ang cool pa din eh. lalo na ung boses ni natasha bedingfield.. at ung last verses.. :))

<3

2011-07-14T22:13:00.001+08:00

i am so tired.

2011-07-09T18:16:00.000+08:00

>:|

wait

2011-07-04T22:23:00.003+08:00

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

be blank

2011-07-03T21:55:00.005+08:00

think of the bad things and you won't regret the choice you made.. you'll be content on where you are right now. did this with c&c and now i'm over it.

pero bakit sayo ang hirap?

isang araw, nagiisip lang ako kung anong prutas ang kakainin ko, tapos naalala kita! WTFH?!?! hindi ba mas normal kung naalala kita habang kumakain ako ng prutas, o kaya may nakita akong kumakain ng prutas? pff. sad frustrated face.

i love...

2011-06-27T21:19:00.002+08:00

... Corpse Bride!!! hahahahahaha!! ang ganda ganda. :))

can a heart still break once it stopped beating?

if i touch a burning candle, i can feel no pain
in the ice or in the rain, it's all the same
yet i feel my heart is aching
though it doesn't beat, it's breaking
and the pain here that i feel
try and tell me it's not real
i know that i am dead
yet it seems that i still have some tears to shed

how sad is that?

first day: okay

2011-06-14T21:00:00.005+08:00

sing to me and mean every word
Nobody's Perfect by Jessie J. :)

and i hate that i let you down
and i feel so bad about it

found something.....

2011-06-12T17:51:00.000+08:00

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

please no.
:'(

2011-06-07T20:27:00.003+08:00

may dumaan na isang tao.
.
.
.
she looked at me..
"ang obvious mo aly"
.
.
.
hahahaha.

that person is a part of me. and i do not regret the feelings i felt. they were not enough, but it's fine. i agree. that person ~~deserved~~ deserves more. there will be moments when i look back and miss the memories, but i am fine. i know i'll be fine. haha. after so long, i think, i finally switched lanes.

i fell in love with this:

2011-06-07T20:14:00.006+08:00

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable.
It opens your chest
and it opens up your heart
and it means someone can
get inside you
and mess you up..

You build up all these defenses.
You build up a whole armor
for years
so nothing can hurt you.
Then one stupid person
no different from any other stupid person
wanders into your stupid life..

You give them a piece of you.
They didn't ask for it.
They did something dumb one day
like kiss you
or smile at you
and then your life isn't your own anymore..

Love takes hostages.
It gets inside you.
It eats you out
and leaves you
crying in the darkness
so simple a phrase
like 'maybe we should be just friends'
or 'how very perceptive'
turns into a glass splinter
working its way into your heart..

It hurts.
Not just in the imagination.
Not just in the mind.
It's a soul-hurt
a body-hurt
a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain..

Nothing should be able to do that.
Especially not love.

I hate love.

-Neil Gaiman (is a genius and this "line" is from one of his works)

such perfect words. so true. but i don't hate love. love is tricky, complicated, multifaceted. it can be crazy painful and fucking hurt like shit. but when it's done right, handled perfectly, you will be looking at and experiencing the most wonderful feeling. so how can i hate love? how can anyone hate something so beautiful?

confession

2011-06-02T14:44:00.001+08:00

hurting. sorry. looking back, i did fall. and now i'm trying to deal with it. pff. why just now, when it happened years ago?

from a show: the heart is a muscle so it cannot actually break. it can be crushed though. that's exactly what it feels like when you're "heartbroken". it feels as if someone has your heart in their hand and is literally crushing it.
:(

2011-05-25T12:59:00.000+08:00

fear should never decide love. -carter

new favorite song!!!

2011-05-19T17:45:00.003+08:00

i'm all in what it means:
nothing left to hide
i've fallen harder than a landslide
i spent a week away from you last night
and now i'm calling...
calling out your name let yourself fall..
even if i lose the game
i'm all in ..in love completely
i'm all in tonight
yeah... no reservations
i'm all in
i'm all in for life no restrictions..

...

2011-05-12T13:43:00.000+08:00

happy fucking birthday to me.

Inadequacy

2011-04-14T18:09:00.002+08:00

it feels great to share. :)
but did you give enough?
there is a moment of self-satisfaction, then you realize you could have done better.
gah. i feel stupid....
standards.
there is one for every aspect of your life.
:(

wisdom

2011-03-25T14:24:00.003+08:00

from a really cool guy friend :P
feeling ko hindi pa ako ready. kaya ayoko pang magka-relationship ng ganun. kasi hindi pa talaga ako sigurado sa nararamdaman ko. i mean, may mga happy moments kami pero hindi pa talaga ako sigurado. ayoko namang masaktan siya dahil sa aking pagkukulang. kasi ang love, dapat masaya lagi. i mean, may hurt minsan, pero majority ng time ay masaya.

watching my amnesia girl. putek. ang cheesy. :))

ang puso ko'y tanging iyo lamang...

no chance?

2011-03-21T19:54:00.001+08:00

lol. sana naman meron. :))

"quitters never win"
may exceptions. :D

:)

2011-03-19T21:13:00.001+08:00

infatuated.

goodbye...

2011-03-14T18:09:00.002+08:00

avril lavigne has a new album!!!

born this way: unhealthy?

you promised. thought we're friends.. :(

lol. again with the vagueness.

...lullaby

"Yes"

2011-03-13T21:13:00.000+08:00

life experience.

please?

:)

think

2011-02-17T17:08:00.002+08:00

"para kanino ka bumabangon?" = anong purpose ng buhay mo?
may sagot ka ba?

over cookies and cream. pff. whatever bitch.

clueless on how to proceed..
love? is very difficult to define. its abstract and has a million interpretations. if that's the case, how can you be certain of what you're going to do next?

at least one hour of... :))

afraid.
because of It? or is this different?

told her

2011-02-06T21:45:00.004+08:00

kanin club!! lol. masarap pala ang dinuguan... and timezone wasn't as exciting as it used to be.

why?
first you feel pleased and comforted that you have someone to talk to about it. then you feel stupid. you regret opening your mouth and you wished you can take it all back because honestly! they don't know anything. they don't know how it is. how it feels. what can they give you? they can't change anything. and whether they know or not, things that happened are still going to happen. what do you gain by telling what happened, what you felt, and what you thought? answer: more shit to think about. and the thought at the top of the list is: what do they think of you now. you feel dirtier than when it was just you knowing. so dirty you disgust yourself. you want to disappear, destroy yourself, die.
why?

stalker

2011-02-02T18:00:00.004+08:00

feb na! tapos na ang first month of 2011.. stalked someone yesterday.
malapit na rin ang valentine's day.
ang hirap mag-isip kung anong masayang gawin sa araw na iyon. have you ever felt so lost? you know where to go but you're hesitating because of fear and confusion...

text

2011-01-28T19:46:00.000+08:00

imy

:) imyt.

obsessing

2011-01-24T13:10:00.002+08:00

WHY?!

over cookies and cream.

hahahaha. OMG. :))

i think i need to talk with someone

2011-01-23T15:41:00.003+08:00

"why didn't he stop the storm? he can do it." that is a very good question. we may not know the answer but the fact is he is there with us. in the midst of the all the storms in our lives, he is always there.

yeah? didn't feel like it. and that's just wrong.

yesterday

2011-01-22T13:21:00.003+08:00

talked with a real close friend. and its weird. but its comforting. i don't think my other friends can understand this.. but this friend.. haha.. is so cool. we get each other. :D

i am ready to try something new.
i hope the moment hasn't passed though..

do not be afraid of the future. plan for it. if it doesn't come to pass, then at least remember the times when you were happy. look at the bright side. be optimistic. you're asking this from a pessimist? :)) about a relationship lasting forever.. doubts and fears that i have.

reminiscing: reading the past

2011-01-20T21:34:00.001+08:00

dapat nagaaral para sa ie32 exam bukas pero dahil binuksan ko ito ulit, may naisip ako bigla (though lagi siyang nasa utak ko, nasa background nga lang, but its still, and always will be, there) halos three years ang buhay ng isang ipis. ung akin mula May 2007 - January 2010. ang tagal diba? pero kahit 2011 na ngayon, nahihirapan pa rin ako minsan because cockroaches are everywhere.

2010-09-13T17:35:00.001+08:00

The world might be dark and scary when you're all alone, but there is nothing scarier than when people you love turn on you and make you lose all grip on reality.

From Richard Bach

2010-08-26T21:04:00.001+08:00

A soul mate is someone who has locks that fits our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we're pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we're safe in our own paradise. Our soul mate is someone who shares our deepest longings, our sense of direction. When we're two balloons, and together our direction is up, chances are we've found the right person. Our soul mate is the one who makes life come to life.

unimportant

2010-05-07T18:57:00.002+08:00

remember.

2010-04-09T14:49:00.002+08:00

Should I let this go? Either way, it's going to hurt.

That's it

2009-12-23T08:22:00.005+08:00

It's all in the past. It's done. It's finished. It's over. The end.

Open your eyes and see it. How can you be sure about all this? When something is complicated, do you try understanding it? Do you try making sense of it? Or do you simply accept it for what it is so that it won't seem so complicated? Hn. This is impossible.

Kahapon ko lang nalaman, sa McDonald's, na si Michael Jackson pala kumanta ng: "people making lists, buying special gifts, taking time to be kind to one and all.." :)

you wish you could give more than presents from a store.. you'd like to find a way to show the things that words can't say.. no greater gift is there than love..